Navigating Your Fertility Journey: Finding Support and Resilience

The fertility journey can be challenging, and for many, it's the first time we face something that isn’t fully within our control—no matter how much effort we put in. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions, from hope and excitement to sadness, frustration, and fear.

When things take longer or feel more difficult than expected, you may experience tough emotions like jealousy, guilt, self-doubt, or anger. These feelings are valid, and you are not alone in having them. If you’re navigating this experience, I want to offer reassurance and practical strategies to help you cope.

This guide is based on the most common concerns my clients share in therapy and what has helped them the most. My hope is that by understanding your emotions and learning ways to manage uncertainty, you’ll find a sense of calm and resilience along the way.

Build Your Own Support System

Understanding Isolation

Not everyone in your life will truly understand what you’re going through—and that’s okay. Friends and family may try to help, but their well-meaning advice can sometimes make you feel unheard, judged, or more isolated.

Instead of expecting everyone to ‘get it,’ try surrounding yourself with people who do. Connecting with those who have been through similar experiences—whether through a support group, online community, or a trusted colleague—can be incredibly reassuring. Many of my clients find comfort in talking to others who listen without offering solutions.

Communicate Your Needs

When you share with loved ones, be clear about what you need. If you want to vent without advice, let them know. If you need a day without baby talk, set that boundary. It’s okay to say, “I’d love to spend time together, but let’s keep the conversation light today.”

Focus on the Present

The Feeling of Limbo

The uncertainty of fertility struggles can make it feel like your entire life is on hold. You might wonder, Will I be a parent next year? Should I book that vacation? What if the treatments don’t work? The lack of clear answers can be overwhelming.

While it’s natural to want certainty, some things are out of our control. Learning to accept that uncertainty can help reduce anxiety in the long run.

Manageable Timeframes

A helpful strategy is to focus on manageable timeframes. Rather than worrying about the next six months or year, ask yourself: What is within my control right now? This could mean focusing on the next appointment, the next two weeks, or even just getting through today.

Stability Through Routine

Balance uncertainty with small areas of control. Establishing daily routines, taking care of your well-being, or starting a simple project—like redecorating a room or decluttering a closet—can provide a sense of stability and accomplishment.

Self-Care Strategies

Understanding Constant Thoughts

When something as important as starting a family is uncertain, it’s completely normal to think about it constantly. Your mind is trying to ‘solve the problem’ by considering all possible scenarios. While this is a natural response, it can leave you feeling mentally exhausted and emotionally drained.

Prioritize Mental Well-Being

Since we can’t control the future, the best thing we can do is focus on taking care of ourselves in the present. This doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings; it means finding ways to support your mental and emotional well-being so you don’t feel consumed by anxiety.

Many of my clients have found comfort in creating a personalised self-care plan. This can include small daily practices like gentle movement (such as yoga or walking), mindfulness exercises, journaling, or engaging in a creative hobby. By broadening your focus beyond fertility, you remind yourself that you are more than this journey—you are a whole person with many aspects to nurture and celebrate.

Tip: The NHS has a helpful guide outlining five key steps to mental well-being, which is a great starting point: NHS Mental Wellbeing Guide.

Additional Resources

I’ve also created a Coping Strategies Toolkit, which includes additional ideas for self-soothing techniques on difficult days: Coping Strategies Toolkit.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re struggling with fertility anxiety, know that your feelings are completely valid. This journey has its ups and downs, and it’s okay to have hard days. But you don’t have to go through it alone.

If you feel overwhelmed and would like professional support, I offer free, no-obligation 20-minute consultations to explore how therapy might help you navigate this time.

You deserve kindness, patience, and support—especially from yourself. Whatever happens next, you are stronger than you think, and you are not alone.

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About the Author

Irene Jermoli is an Integrative Psychotherapeutic Counsellor who is dedicated to helping people navigate their fertility journeys with compassion and resilience.