Fertility Anxiety: A Gentle Guide to Staying Grounded

The fertility journey can be challenging, and for many, it's the first time we face something that isn’t fully within our control—no matter how much effort we put in. It’s completely natural to feel a mix of emotions, from hope and excitement to sadness, frustration, and fear.

When things take longer or feel more difficult than expected, you may also experience emotions that are tough to talk about—like jealousy, guilt, self-doubt, or even anger. These feelings are valid, and you are not alone in having them.

If you’re navigating this experience, I want to offer some reassurance and practical strategies to help you cope.

This guide is based on the most common concerns my clients share in therapy, along with what has helped them the most.

My hope is that by understanding your emotions and learning ways to manage uncertainty, you’ll find a sense of calm and resilience along the way.

1. “My friends don’t understand” – Build Your Own Support System

Not everyone in your life will be able to truly understand what you’re going through—and that’s okay. Friends and family may try to help, but their well-meaning advice or encouragement can sometimes leave you feeling unheard, judged, or even more isolated.

Instead of expecting everyone to ‘get it,’ try surrounding yourself with people who do. Connecting with those who have been through similar experiences—whether through a support group, an online community, or even a trusted colleague—can be incredibly reassuring. Many of my clients find comfort in talking to others who simply listen without offering solutions.

Tip: When you do share with loved ones, be clear about what you need. If you just want to vent without advice, let them know. If you need a day without any baby talk, set that boundary. It’s perfectly okay to say, “I’d love to spend time together, but let’s keep the conversation light today.”

2. “I feel like my life is on hold” – Focus on the Present

The uncertainty of fertility struggles can make it feel like your entire life is in limbo. You might wonder, Will I be a parent next year? Should I book that vacation? What if the treatments don’t work? The lack of clear answers can be overwhelming, often leading to a cycle of searching for reassurance—only to feel anxious again soon after.

While it’s natural to want certainty, the reality is that some things are out of our control. Learning to sit with that uncertainty can actually help reduce anxiety in the long run.

One helpful strategy is to focus on manageable timeframes. Instead of worrying about the next six months or year, ask yourself: What is within my control right now? This could mean focusing on the next appointment, the next two weeks, or even just getting through today.

Tip: Balance uncertainty with small areas of control. Establishing daily routines, taking care of your well-being, or starting a simple project—like redecorating a room or decluttering a closet—can bring a sense of stability and accomplishment.

3. “I can't stop thinking about it” – Self-Care Strategies

When something as important as starting a family is uncertain, it’s completely normal to think about it constantly. Your mind is trying to ‘solve the problem’ by running through all possible scenarios. While this is a natural response, it can leave you feeling mentally exhausted and emotionally drained.

Since we can’t control the future, the best thing we can do is focus on taking care of ourselves in the present. This doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings—it means finding ways to support your mental and emotional well-being so you don’t feel consumed by anxiety.

Many of my clients have found comfort in creating a personalised self-care plan. This can include small daily practices that help calm your mind, such as gentle movement (like yoga or walking), mindfulness exercises, journaling, or engaging in a creative hobby. By broadening your focus beyond fertility, you remind yourself that you are more than this journey—you are a whole person with many aspects to nurture and celebrate.

Tip: The NHS has a helpful guide outlining five key steps to mental well-being, which is a great place to start: NHS Mental Wellbeing Guide.

I’ve also created a Coping Strategies Toolkit, which includes additional ideas for self-soothing techniques on difficult days: Coping Strategies Toolkit.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re struggling with fertility anxiety, know that your feelings are completely valid. This journey is filled with ups and downs, and it’s okay to have hard days. But you don’t have to go through it alone.

If you feel overwhelmed and would like professional support, I offer free, no-obligation 20-minute consultations to explore how therapy might help you navigate this time.

You deserve kindness, patience, and support—especially from yourself. Whatever happens next, you are stronger than you think, and you are not alone.

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About the Author

Irene Jermoli is an Integrative Psychotherapeutic Counsellor and dedicated to helping people navigate their fertility journeys with compassion and resilience.